#I need a thread with a Kakashi to have this discussion so help me *shakes fist at sky*

[sasukeuchiha-eternalmangekyou]

//As an adult, not much. If anything I’d lean more on the envious side of stuff such as seeing others being able to spend time with their family. But jealously doesn’t play much of a part in his life anymore. Sasuke is capable of controlling his emotions and keeping his head straight in matters he can’t change. He has an awareness that he hadn’t possessed in the past. He no longer cares about the trivial things he once did.

Sasuke has a superiority/inferiority complex as I’ve mentioned a multitude of time when discussing his character development. So, it’s not so shocking to relate his former jealously to that of Naruto’s growing strength within the entire series. It’s obvious throughout but not articulated until the Sasuke Retrieval Arc after the hospital roof fight.

So bear with me as I probably go into way more detail than necessary to explain the type of jealously that affects Sasuke since we know he’s never been one to care what others think or the progress of others outside of himself. He does get envious of Lee’s ability to beat him prior to the Chunin Exams because it was the first time he was put in his place that there’s others out there who train harder and have more power at their disposal (minus Haku and Zabuza bc that too was an issue for him). However, I’ll address the few panels I have below that explain it from Kakashi’s point of view. 

It’s plain and simple as Kakashi said, it’s an obsession for Sasuke to be superior to those around him. He needs that form of validation. It stabilizes him. As we see later when Sasuke leaves the village it’s due to this fight, losing to Itachi, and being attacked by the Sound Four. He was always ahead of Naruto, but witnessed him beat Gaara when he couldn’t (while not recognizing all he accomplished beforehand such as learning the chidori and being on chunin level despite not being officially promoted). 

He wasn’t trying to kill Naruto at all. It was a way to release his pent up frustration with himself and the pure misery surging through him after Itachi brutally reminded him of how ‘weak’ he truly was after all that time. It was later revealed that Sasuke felt a step behind Naruto on day one when he couldn’t get himself to become friends out of fear and later resentment. The jealously grew in the cracks of their formed bond and was fiercely shoved to the surface at this moment.

Immature behavior, yes, but also not so much. It wasn’t born from thin air. It didn’t suddenly appear. It was suppressed and bypassed due to Sasuke’s character development with his team. But he had a setback no one seemed to recognize, let alone handle. Kakashi apparently had no idea Sasuke encountered Itachi (which side-note I must add bc why didn’t he know? He shouldn’t been 100% aware of this matter. But it seems as though there’s a lack of communication between them. Anyway I’ll dismiss it or end up rambling due to my Kakashi and Sasuke issue XD).

Sasuke’s jealously is volatile. The moment he thinks he’s weak, he brings his self-confidence so low it’s harmful. He criticizes himself, degrades all the progress he’s actually made and grinds it into nothing. When in reality he’s progressed at an astonishing rate (and later becomes one of the strongest shinobi in the world) but here he’s still a child, only 13 and weighs his significance on a scale. The second he gets jealous, be that towards Naruto, Lee, Gaara, Itachi, etc. he’s unable to keep it together. And it continues but is expressed differently after the time skip. Sasuke isn’t so impulsive and gained more awareness.

Sasuke has to once again question himself, wonder what made him this weak bc there has to be a source. His jealous nature digs into him. He’s always lived his life being measured up to someone else (Fugaku comparing him to Itachi). He adopted the habit and it stuck with him. He mostly feels the need to be above everyone else bc it prove he’s making progress and could stand a chance against his brother in the future. But the envy he has when Naruto seemingly gains such strength so fast is a mental kick, one he repeatedly thinks about.

Acknowledging Naruto would cause Sasuke to deny his reason for living. This is a running issue for him throughout the manga, but also so important. Sasuke is feeling threatened by Naruto’s gained strength. When it comes to jealously as a whole, Sasuke’s not one to be envious over petty things and honestly keeps himself focused/calm enough where nothing seems to outwardly bother him. He was never jealous of Itachi. He looked up to his older brother, but when Fugaku didn’t verbally acknowledge him to his face (and being only 7) it made him feel worthless. That duplicates itself here in its own manner. It’s normal to get jealous or resentful. It’s simply a fact of life. But Sasuke’s always in a sensitive mindset due to the curse of hatred. So any small act of bitterness can whirlwind into something foul.

Here we have a small taste of Sasuke’s character development. He no longer cares, realizing jealousy doesn’t give any purpose. He’s matured but is still goal oriented. It’s not really a question of what makes Sasuke jealous, but more to the point of where he started and ended up when handling it. Power has been Sasuke’s driving force, strength his confidence. When it’s threatened and jealousy kicks in, he’s set off. But here he’s absolutely fine admitting it’s insignificant.

And here we have Sasuke finally able to admit he lost to Naruto. It’s not in admission to failure or weakness, it’s expressed with a smile. The transformation to how unbalanced Sasuke is when managing jealousy to it not existing anymore is the point of this post (tangent or not). I could’ve easily kept it to a minimum and stuck with the first paragraph but I figured why not delve into it. 

Sasuke’s an emotional mess at times, but in most scenarios he’s able to keep himself composed. As an adult, he’s happy with himself and whats around him (concerning his family and all the progress he’s made). Now jealousy plays no physical part of his life. Small things perhaps, but it doesn’t cut deep anymore.

[kashi-prompts]

Flowers For A Shinobi

Chapter 4: A Lead

Word Count: 2,803

Pairing: Kakashi Hatake x OC

Previous Chapter & Archive of Our Own Link

Outside the office windows, the once clear dusk sky had morphed into an inky canvas of grey clouds. Behind them, the ominous moon ached for a chance to glow beyond the veil of overcast. Beyond the opened glass pane, the leaves of the trees ruffled in the wind. In the distance, an owl hooted. How quickly night had fallen. 

Ayame stood behind the tall shinobi she had agreed to assist. His haste and determination to find as much information as he could had brought them before the Hokage. Despite the presence of the most powerful woman in the village, his shoulders were slumped to their default state of indifference; his slender hands shoved deep within the fabric of his pants.

She stared at the back of his neck as he explained to the Hokage his findings so far. Staring at the back of his head was the only thing that was keeping her heart rate at a reasonable pace. From this close, she could notice the different strands of color that made up his silver head of hair, light strands, and dark strands, all curling ever so slightly at the nape of his neck from the sweat of the day. His headband was tied tightly around the top of his head, supporting his unmanageable hair to lay in a state that practically defied gravity. 

Her ears tuned into the conversation, listening to the man everyone called Kakashi as he explained everything to the Hokage. He referred to her as a citizen. And she was a citizen, but that didn't mean she wasn't like them. She looked up at the two, watching them and wondering what it was like to serve your village by means of protecting it instead of just trying to make money for it.

Despite growing up in a clan that possessed chakra control, Ayame had admittedly never really been associated with shinobi until she uprooted herself and moved to Konoha. The first shinobi she met were the Yamanaka's, and even then, she only spoke to them concerning the floral shop. Of course, she had friends, but they were all regular citizens with everyday tasks. The butcher, the librarian, the ramen shop owner’s daughter who bore the same name as her. It wasn't as though Ayame purposely avoided shinobi, she just didn't have reason to associate with them. 

Now, she was surrounded by them. Capable, strong men and women that had taken an oath to defend Konoha with their lives. And here she was, an average, or a slightly above average, citizen. 

"I understand this sounds like an improbable solution, but so far, it is the only one we have if we are still resolved on a medicinal herb being the main ingredient for an antidote," Kakashi offered, his voice sounding troubled. 

Leaning over, the Hokage looked past the brooding shinobi to Ayame. Flustered by her intense gaze, Ayame stood up straight in confidence and untied her fingers from their web of anxiety. 

"This is Ayame Hana," Kakashi gestured to the young woman, her braid falling forward as she gave the Hokage a respectful bow. "She comes from the Rōtasuagekure, the Village Hidden in the Lotus in the Land of Grass. We discussed them recently, if I recall correctly." 

"Yes, I remember," the Hokage nodded, assessing the villager. "That village no longer exists under any governing rule, yes?"

"Yes, m'lady," Ayame responded, her fingers trifling with the fabric of her skirt.

"And you are a citizen of Konoha now, yes?"

 Ayame nodded, "I became a Konoha citizen two years ago." 

Despite the rumored age of the Hokage, her appearance did not give away any indication of such. Her amber eyes narrowed in suspicion, her lacquered lips a thin line.

"Why did you come here to become a citizen?" Tsunade questioned, threading her fingers at her chin. 

Ayame did not take offense to the question despite it coming from a place of distrust. Others had asked her this question daily the first few weeks she resided within the walls of Konoha. It didn't bother her anymore. 

"As you said, m'lady, my village - or my birth village - no longer exists as it did when I lived there," Ayame's eyes met the Hokage's, confident in her answers. She had nothing to hide. "But the reason I am here, as Kakashi-san said, is because I was once injured by what seems to be the same poison your infantry members are battling now. I feel I can help."

"You were poisoned and you're still alive, are you not?" Tsunade countered, "How did you survive? If you are a citizen, do you even hold the same nature of chakra we shinobi use?" 

"If you will let me explain," the words tumbled from her mouth before she realized what she was saying. Beside her, Kakashi's eye swiveled in her direction, impressed but slightly uncomfortable as he adjusted his weight to his other foot. 

"My clan was murdered as a result of this toxin," Ayame explained somberly. "I lost all of them. It is just me now. Which is why I came here, anew." 

"I understand why you would come here," Tsunade responded carefully, "but if you do not have the same variety of chakra us shinobi have, I do not see the benefit of continuing this conversation. We need an antidote that will work for our bodies and our amount of chakra." 

"My bloodline does have the same chakra that you do," Ayame's hands fell to her sides, determined to express her point. 

"You are not a shinobi," Tsunade replied defiantly.

"I am not a 'shinobi,' but I do possess chakra and I can control it," Ayame answered, her eyes flickering over to a plant that sat perched in the corner on a stool. The plant's leaves were browned around the edges from neglect, its soil thirsty for water. 

"I can show you," taking a deep breath, Ayame took a  few steps towards the stool that held the small plant. Judging by its state, she assumed it hadn't been watered in a few weeks. The sunlight from the windows was barely enough to keep it alive. 

Kakashi turned to her, his thin eyebrows knitted together as he watched her. Tsunade sat back in her chair, turning with another skewed eyebrow of skepticism. 

"Please, Hana-chan, if you -" 

Something dismissed the Hokage’s words as she trailed off. Ayame could feel them both watching her as she picked up the potted plant, focusing as she turned back around. Lifting it to eye level, she hung her hand over the leaves. A bead of sweat dripped from her brow as the brown foliage rustled in its pot, green epidermis overtaking the listless edges. Within a few moments, the plant stood straight, its soil moist and leaves bright. 

She looked up, her eyes meeting Kakashi's for a moment. His eyebrows were raised in bewilderment. He turned his head to look at Lady Tsunade, his expression smug.

"As I said, I am not a shinobi by your terms, but I can manipulate and grow plants with my chakra. In my clan, we were not taught to use our skills in offense or even defense as your village does. It was exclusively used as a tool for the village to prosper. My clan was the only one in our village to possess more chakra than the average citizen. Thus, we were able to grow plants at will." 

A few beats passed of silence. No one spoke as the owl hooted again in the distance. Feeling her body warmed by the exorbitant amount of energy she had just focused, she could feel sweat dripping down the back of her neck. 

"This changes things," Tsunade nodded, her demeanor shifting as she looked back at her desk. She shuffled a scroll in front of her as Ayame leaned down to replace the plant. 

The sweat that dripped from her brow moments before fell to the floor as she suddenly felt the ground shift beneath her. Tripping, she leaned a hand against the wood-paneled wall. The voices in the room began to resonate in her ears as merely a muffled set of noises. 

"Are you ok?" Ayame felt a firm grip on her upper arm, pulling her up as she felt knees give way beneath her. Looking up, her eyes crossed as her blurred vision focused on the white blotch of hair that moved in front of her. She heard him move the plant she had placed back on the stool and guided her to sit. 

"Sit her down- she looks like she is going to faint," she heard Lady Tsunade say, closer to her now. The sound of paper fanning her came before the cool air. "Her complexion is pale." 

"Ayame," Kakashi called, bending a knee to be eye level with her. 

Taking a deep breath, Ayame could feel herself coming to as Kakashi dipped his head to fix his gaze with hers. She lifted her head from the wall, shaking it to brush off the dizziness that enveloped her. As she looked up, she realized his hand was still gripping her upper arm, gentle yet firm enough to keep her in place. 

With reality piecing itself together around her, she felt a current shoot up her spine at the moment as their gaze intertwined. Warmth spread to every cavity in her body, her ears feeling hot. In her chest, her heart did a rhythmic dance against her ribcage. She was unsure if its pounding was from her heart trying to reroute the blood back to her brain or from the intensity of a single charcoal eye that bore back at her. A second passed, then two. His eyebrow fell, his gaze softened. If she wasn't mistaken, she thought she might have noticed a change in the color of the skin on his cheekbones.

“Are you alright?” Tsuande asked her from behind Kakashi, using a sheet of paper to fan her. She looked between the two, her eyebrow cocked. 

He blinked and the moment fled. 

"Yes," she said finally, nodding slightly. His hand fell from her upper arm, its warmth leaving her skin feeling cold. She felt silly for blushing like a child. 

"I'm fine. I'm sorry - I haven't -" she tried to explain, but Tsunade’s sharp tongue cut her off, bringing her back to the subject quickly. 

"You say your clan had more chakra than a normal citizen. This would make them exemplary candidates to be shinobi," she heard Tsunade say, her arms crossed across her heavy chest. "But if that is the case, why would bringing a simple plant back to life cause you to faint?"

Instinctively, her hand went to her side, where her healed wounds resided. His eye followed her hand, settling there as she looked over at Lady Tsunade. 

Trying to process her questions, Ayame looked over at the Hokage. "This is the aftereffects of being poisoned by the Tsukamu root.”

"Tsukamu root?" Tsunade lifted her head.

"Yes," Ayame took a deep breath. "The aftereffects of this poison permanently deplete your chakra levels. I was hit three times, so my levels are  severely deficient. As you can see, this is what happens when I try to use them." 

"The poison comes from this Tsukamu root?" Kakashi asked.

Ayame paused for a moment, thinking. She imagined the menacing, gray vine of thorns that twisted under the soil of her clan's small district in their village, pricking the unsuspecting victim's skin.

"The Tsukamu root is a vine of thorns that grows underground," Ayame explained, looking up at him. "It is meant to be stealthy and was a forbidden jutsu in my clan. I won't explain to you the history of how I was poisoned, but all you need to know is that it was intentional when it happened to me.”

"We believe this was an intentional attack on our village as well," Tsunade commented. "How could it happen to all nine men?" 

Ayame shook her head, "There was a group of individuals in our village who were hell-bent on destroying my clan. The person who was responsible for creating these poisonous thorns is dead now. You have nothing to worry about." 

Kakashi lifted his chin, surprised by her words, "dead? So you believe this wasn't deliberate?" 

Ayame nodded, "if I am right, and I truly believe I am, the only person who could create this type of jutsu was - was my brother. But as I said... he is dead." 

Her words hung in the air between them. In Kakashi's mind, he pieced together what she was saying. She had purposely been poisoned by her brother, as was her whole clan. She stared at him, feeling uncomfortable with the energy she had created in the small office. They needed to know that this wasn't the same as what had happened to her years ago. She was positive he was dead, unable to cause more harm. 

"This has to be the leftover remains of his thorn jutsu," she explained, standing up. She tidied her skirt, brushing off the dirt of the day's works at the Yamanaka flower shop. She tried to appear unbothered by everything. Kakashi took a step forward, surprised she could stand after nearly fainting only five minutes beforehand. 

"The only antidote I know is the Iyasu flower. It is what I used once I realized had been infected," Ayame looked between the two of them. "It is a secret scroll technique passed down generation to generation that is used only in my clan for medical instances such as this. It produces a field of these flowers that can be mashed up and prepared into a serum to drink. I would imagine that there still may be scrolls hidden on my clans compound if they weren't looted for money after --" 

She trailed off, watching as Tsunade quickly went behind her desk to look at some papers. 

"The Iyasu flower," Tsunade repeated, her finger trailing down a scroll that seemed to house a long list. "It isn’t on the list of plants Sakura has tried so far. I have never heard of it. That isn't to say you are fictionalizing it, but I don't think I can send one of my best shinobi and a villager on a wild goose chase for a scroll to a fallen village in the Land of Grass."

"M'lady," Kakashi interrupted, stepping forward. Tsunade looked up, and the two exchanged an intense gaze for a moment. Ayame could tell the tensions in the room were high. Time was quickly ticking away, and there was not much that could be done if this didn't work. 

"The wounds Ayame showed me seem almost identical to the ones present on Yamato and the other shinobi. I don't think we are incorrect in following this path." 

"We have three days, Kakashi," Tsunade reminded him, "three days, and those men will be dead. This - this Iyasu flower, even if we do get the scroll, Ayame is the only one who can use it. And if that is the case, we're doomed from the get-go. Look at her, she can barely bring a plant back to life." 

Ayame's ears began to burn, her stomach twisting in embarrassment and anger. The Hokage wasn't wrong, but her words stung. Even if the scroll were found, the amount of chakra needed to create the amount required would put her out for days, if not permanently. 

"I will do it," Ayame said quickly, "I don't care if it kills me. This is the first opportunity I have as a Konoha citizen to help, and I am more than willing to do so. Allow me this opportunity to serve, m'lady." 

Tsunade looked over at her, her amber eyes intertwining with two jade ones. Unsure of what else she could say, Ayame exhaled quietly and gave another bow. 

"I agree," Kakashi said suddenly behind her. "I think we should give this a chance. Herbal medicine was a lucky shot to begin with. Let's take what is being offered to us." 

Tsunade looked between the two, thinking deeply. Outside, the rain began to hit the window pane melodiously. One, two, three - almost sounding like the tempo of a song. The only noise in the room. 

"Fine," Tsunade sat down in her chair, the wheels creaking as she sighed heavily. Placing her head in her hands, Ayame could tell the Hokage was clearly overwhelmed. It seemed that this was the only lead they had to save these men and women. If not for Kakashi and Ayame's serendipitous encounter in the floral shop, the Hokage would still be searching for a lead. 

"Leave at dawn," she said finally, looking up at the two. "And return next day at dusk. No later. Now go get some rest." 

* * * * * * * * * * 

A/N: I’ve been thinking of the plot of this story in my head for years now. I hope it isn’t too complicated so far. I may know what’s going on, but I have to remember that everyone else may not lol That being said, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! <3